So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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