I just saw a hot homeless man
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
