i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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