i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
