Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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