Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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