so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize