Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
