"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
