Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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