Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
