Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
