ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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