remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
