How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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