he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
