my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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