Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
