Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize