In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
