At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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