CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
