Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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