You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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