i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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