I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
