Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
