Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
