You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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