I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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