I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
do nipples grow back?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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