if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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