ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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