apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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