So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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