Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
