My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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