how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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