Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
