Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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