TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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