we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
vagina is talking i cant
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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