smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
