Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
