and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
