He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
