I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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