I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
