i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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