who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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