He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
