Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
