I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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