Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize