I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
