Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
