Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
