3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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