my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
