hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
