someone get that fucking seahorse.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
