one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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