i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
