I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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