were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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