by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
