you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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