I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
