it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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