I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
