apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
