i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's like iHOP with fire
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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