how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize