I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
