wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize