never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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