He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
