maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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