So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
