Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
