im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize