do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
