is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
