Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
