why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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