i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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