I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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