alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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