I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
