I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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