you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
