too bad you live with your parents still
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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