Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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