Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
