There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
