I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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