You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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