She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
